*Disclaimer* Politics and personal prejudices ahead.
Mar 4th, 2007 by Kristi
Dear Diary,
I am getting SICK AND TIRED of OSAMA!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR! I told Osama/bama that I was going to Selma. Me. And what does that fool do? Steal my thunder. My great-big-African American thunder. Even after I leaked the slave story. First he stole my Hollywood money, now he’s stealing my African-Americans. THE ONLY REASON WHY I STAYED MARRIED TO MY NO-COUNT HUSBAND WAS FOR THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN VOTE!
Tell me I didn’t just waste the last ten years of my life only to miss out on that vote. TELL ME!!!!!! OK. It’s time to regroup. Here’s the agenda for this week:
-
Personally call every American in the United States and get their opinion on every election issue. Conform rhetoric to majority opinion.
Create tax plan that guarantees the following: universal health care, universal college access, universal jello access, universal day care, universal WWE wrestling matches, universal condom distribution, universal usage of the word ‘universal’, universal pant suits for all the ladies of America, universal pardons for all Clinton cronies in jail
Utilize resources to erase all records of previous support on war in Iraq. Claim the ‘wicked right wing conspiracy from Hell’ made it all up to fool the good people of America.
Give myself a smug thumbs up for the good idea listed above. And a new pant suit.
Have dinner with Barbra. Sneak into her purse for money when she goes to the toilet.
Give Bill his household chore list. Remind him he still has another two years before his chore sentence is up.
Put a hit on David Geffen.
Send Ann Coulter her monthly stipend for making me look good.
Brainstorm twenty ways to link my name to: John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Thomas Edison, George Washington, Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman, Christopher Reeve and Hiro from that Heroes show.
That’s all for now. Got to go check the polls.
Peace. I’m out.
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I’m so concerned the D candidates are going to tear each other up and leave no option but the R. No. No. NO.
I love the photo comparison!!
I can’t wait for universal WWE wrestling matches….and pant suits.
gotta love the pant suits.
HILARIOUS!
Oh, you crack me up!
I’m in Canada, where all of our politicians are faceless civil servants. Literally, faceless. THey have their faces removed when they sign up for politics. It’s true.
how come comedians don’t have to go to rehab for telling racist, or homophobic jokes? i really don’t like politics but i really don’t want me some Billary. just wait until Bono gets behind Barack. did any of you catch his speech on the NAACP awards? it was amazing. independent voters over here ya’ll.
Oh. My. I’m crying.
Well, for multiple reasons, but mostly due to your hilarious post!
Ah man, where do you get this stuff? You could sell this on the street and make more than Bobby Brown on a good night.
the photo comparison? …. gold
I have no doubt a democrat will win the next presidential election. It’s the democrats’ turn to screw the world up now.
But I just hope and pray it isn’t Hillary. I’m schkeered of Hillary.
i’m missing on the photo comparison, who is the little girl? stupid me.
chuck
oh, it’s veruca salt. how moronic of me. that’s one of my favorite movies. she looks a little pudgier than in the film.
I want a party
with room fulls of laughter
Ten thousand tons of ice cream
And if I don’t get the things I am after
I’m going to scream!
I want the works
I want the whole works
Presents and prizes and sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizes
And now
Don’t care how
I want it now
Don’t care how
I want it now!
‘Don’t be a Veruca’ is a common admonition in our home.
ROCK.ON!!
That was a freakin’ hilarious post!
Dear Kristi,
You are the funniest woman on the Internet.
I hate you.
Hugs and Kisses,
Kristin
That was awesome….
I want to know is Hilary attempting to stretch out her left arm with all that bling weight. Her other arm is oddly void of all jewelry. Love the Rotten Egg and Hilary.
Oh, that made me hurt from laughing…
Yet again, I bow to your holiness of comedy.
And, you have a lot of Kristi’s and Kristen’s that read your blog. I so cannot keep them straight!
Poor Hillary. Still thinking she might win. I actually rather like Obama. I don’t know if this is the best idea for him to run for pres right now, but still, I rather like him.