I know you’re here. I can see you. Well…not see per se but I know who you are. So let me address some of your search phrases right now. We’ll clear the crazies out with one swoop:

“sweaty girls”

Thanks. I try.

“what are the crackers with rachel ray on the box”

Let me go to the Walmarts and find that out for you. God knows that’s what I’m here for.

“jennilee harris”

FREAKS!!!! WHAT KIND OF SIDESHOW SIMPLETON IS LOOKING UP THE CLUMSY ONE FROM THREE’S COMPANY?

“aunt flo pregnancy”

It goes like this: If Aunt Flo is here, you’re not. If she doesn’t visit for a while, you might want to start considering how you’re going to break it to your unemployed boyfriend.

“other words for the word pregnancy + aunt flo”

Ahem…these are two separate concepts. There isn’t a word for pregnancy + Aunt Flo, other than the phrase ‘womanhood sorta sucks.’ Or the phrase ‘always have extra undies just in case.’ Which might not actually be a phrase, but is good advice nonetheless.

“real moms in idaho NAKED”

You must have been sorely disappointed when visiting this site.

“torso hovering”

I have no idea, no idea at all what this could possibly mean. But I definitely wish I could do it, whatever it is.

“here are my very secret pictures for you”

Shhhhhh….I love secret pictures. Wanna see mine?????

“how many of part of lady uterus”

Lady uterus have 2 part: the woo-woo and hoo-hah.

“when could the ‘black race’ start voting?”

“After” the passing “of” the Thir”teenth” Amendment in 1865, which “granted suffrage” to black men “,” and “also prohibited” the use of “ridiculous quotation” marks.

“women who snort”

You’re in the wrong place my friend. Try lindsaybrittneywhitetrash.com.

“idaho hooker”

Now that’s actually an appropriate search. See me after class.

“phobia: hispanic”

Noooooo! I AM NOT A RACIST! At least not toward the brown people.

can you tell if your toddler is going to be gay?

Totally. Is he wearing gaudy jewelry? Does he speak with a prominent lisp? Does he tie his shirts up ala Daisy Duke? Yes, yes and yes? Then, yes. He’s gay. Start saving for Gay-School.

“how do girls in idaho dress?”

Like this. And this. And this too.

Now that I’ve answered all the psychos’ questions, I can get back to being perfectly sane and normal in every way.