I’ll take my forty lashes, please.
Nov 30th, 2007 by Kristi
Hole. Eeee. Crap. Have you seen this? This British teacher was working in the Sudan, she allowed her second grade students to vote on a name for their class teddy bear, they elected Muhammed, and the woman is imprisoned and facing deportation. This is after the Sudanese graciously waived her 40 lash whipping.
This could be an essay on religious fanaticism or zealous intolerance. But why bother…a thousand writers can do that better than me. Instead, in solidarity with Gillian Gibbons, I’ll offer up a few of the ways I might have violated various religious dogmas.
1. I have a pet name for each of my appendages. My left leg is named ‘Muhammed.’ My bad.
2. In 1997 I made a offhand remark about the Heaven’s Gate Cult, I mean religion. Wanna hear it?
Q: Why did all the Heaven’s Gate people kill themselves?
A: So they could keep up with the Jones’!
Hopefully those guys don’t come knocking down my door. Oh wait…they can’t.
3. I’m not a Catholic. Don’t tell the new Pope. He looks hardcore.
4. During my annual holy pilgrimage to the Ganges River, it occurred to me, briefly of course, that bathing in the water with thousands of other dirty people, might not be the fastest way to salvation. It also occurred to me that I’d rather be sitting in air conditioning than the bathing waters of India.
5. One time, during Bacchanalia, I didn’t drink any wine. I drank water instead, but pretended to be drunk. May Zeus strike me down.
6. The last time I participated in a magic circle, the witch next to me passed gas. I couldn’t stop laughing! All the other Wiccans gave me dirty looks and said I was blaspheming the god and goddesses we were worshiping. I said, “Whatever. My earth goddess deity thinks farts are funny.” They kicked me out.
Witches suck, anyway.
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How the world keeps spinning round and round boggles my mind each and everyday with so many wacky rulers/judges and rules.
this post cracked me up so much I asked dh to read it.
I lurved the Heaven’s Gate joke. Still laughing . . .
I wish I could take credit for it. But it’s the internet that gets all the glory. As usual.
I think I’m going to Build a Bear just to make a Mohammad bear.
That is, literally, the best idea EVER. Take pictures.
I am catholic and I thought I was the only one who saw that he was totally the evil emperor!!! Holy shit thank you for making me less crazy!!!!
That’s my job. That’s what I do. Everything I do is because of you, to keep you safe with me…
If you didn’t get that comment, you probably think I’m psycho. Which would probably be a little bit right.
Holy Crap is right! Man. I read that article, and was just shaking my head. Of course, it DID encourage me to visit Sudan and become a Muslim. I mean, what’s not to like? Complete governmental and religious control, imprisonment for the naming of a stuffed animal? Sounds GREAT!
Maybe Christians should start executing every parent who names their child Jesus and then raises them to be an ass?
I love this, you should start a Post-Secret knockoff site for Post-Blasphemes.
I feel so much better about the time time I asked a Mormon lecturer in my Philosophies in Religion class if as a bi-sexual I would be able to make-out with my sister-wives as long our husband said we could and we prayed and made a casserole afterwards.
Roffle my Waffle - that was funny!
Oh my gosh, I love it! You rock Krisi! I copied and put in an email to my husband your Pope aka Long Lost Brothers picture - I hope you don’t mind.
Um, one question…where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?
You know I meant Kristi, right?
Im reel gud at prrofreadinng.
The pope pictures are classic!
And my left leg is called Vishnu.
The pope IS the dark lord of the sith, and you’ll never convince me otherwise. Christin thinks I’m crazy. What does she know?
I know i’m way late to this party, but that was so hilarious I HAD to comment.
You’re clearly hanging out with the wrong Witches. My parents are Wiccan, and they think farts are always hilarious. True story.