The other list…
Jan 15th, 2008 by Kristi
More things I want to do in aught-eight:
kick a midget in order to feel better about my own shortness
hold my breath for six hours
trick Will into thinking I’m pregnant, then get fat, then act like I was never pregnant and he made the whole thing up and he should go to the crazy doctor for his psychotic hallucinations
cliff dive into a pool of Dr. Pepper
become Britney Spear’s friend/assistant
kidnap Britney Spears and take her to a hospital/jail
become the new Britney Spears
hit the flo
PEANUT BUTTA JELLY TIME PEANUT BUTTA JELLY TIME
take lots of PEANUT BUTTA JELLY TIME breaks
stalk somebody
invent the new myspace, call it ‘myarea’
get erroneously accused of crimes against humanity
get correctly accused of crimes against humanity
commit crimes against humanity
do a guest spot on Sesame Street
flash my boobs on Sesame Street
call Big Bird a punk and pluck a feather for a memento before running away
lose 600 pounds
set a playdate with Pax, white baby, Zahara, Mad and Ange. We moms have to stick together!
enter and win a dance contest
create a dance contest featuring me as the only contestant and also me as the judge and also me as the audience
master the ‘Wengardium Leviosa’ spell
stop pretending I’m a character in the Harry Potters
finish my screenplay of ‘The Black Cauldron 2: Back to Hell’
As you can see, I’m going to be very busy this year. Word.
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I think you’re going to have trouble because it’s Wingardium Leviosa. And I so had Hermione’s voice in my head as I was typing that…
Whateva. I like it my way better.
So your myarea will be competing with my own invention, myplace? That’s okay, I’ll let you buy me out for a cool billion.
500 million and we’ll talk.
I am all for Pnut Butter Jelly Time breaks! I think I’ll take one right now!
Dee: “It’s LeviOsa, not LevioSA” lol
itz can bee peenut butta jellee timez now!
That’s the voice!
Uh . . . did you take a Sudafed?
nO, Y Do u aSk!?
Oh sweet God…I really needed this today…It is only 7:30am and the FlyingMonkeys are already making me mental…
You should look into that. Flying monkeys could be a manifestation of a psychotic episode.
Hmmm. Myarea sounds like a STD. Maybe you can invent a new STD?
Sadly, some of those, I didn’t even understand… I really think you need a STRONG coffee today.
You caught me. ‘Myarea’ is my code for ‘my std.’ Please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want my promiscuous sexual activities to be compromised.
Midget wrestling is coming to Boise! Although you’re too far away for that….hmmm maybe it will go to Spocompton too…
SPOCOMPTON! HA…I haven’t heard that before. How app-ra-poe.
Now this is a list I can wrap my head around. Especially the flash your boobs on Sesame Street part. Excellent morning laugh. Thank you.
No, thank YOU.
That fake pregnancy acts is BRILLIANT!
Just wait for the encore…fake Munschausen syndrome for my fake baby. Will might order a fake divorce and leave me fake homeless.
the inner workings of Kristi’s mind. i can actually hear you having these conversations with yourself. have you seen Penny’s new movie site?
http://www.necrosismovie.com/
too much fun.
chuck
Starring TIFFANY??????? I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW TIFFANY?????? Uh yeah. I’m sorta stalking Penny these days because she’s in a movie with TIFFANY. Penny will be lucky if I don’t randomly show up at her apartment and demand an introduction. Very lucky.
well you know you saw her standing there. maybe you could put on your best “mall rat” clothes before you go. we thought that was funny too. i was more impressed that the movie had the creepy guy from “Weird Science” and “the Hills have Eyes”, the construction worker from “Home Improvement” and Ando from “Heroes”
chuck
I can relate to this list a whole lot betta. The first one made me feel like a selfish slacker, which I am, but I don’t like feeling like it.
So in Idaho do they have commercials for the fabulous new Diet Chocolate Cherry Dr Pepper? I just saw my first one last night. Would you rather dive into a pool of Diet Chocolate Cherry Dr Pepper? Sounds yummy, right?
In order to save time, I suggest you flash your boobs during your guest shot on Sesame Street.
Kick a midget.
Master WIngardium Leviosa.
Peanut Buttah Jelly Time.
I may have to move to Idaho.