A plethora of random sentences…
Jan 25th, 2008 by Kristi
…hastily thrown together in the sudden realization that I haven’t written a post all week. Me = Lazy blogger. I suck. Feel free to boycott my blog with righteous indignation. In the meantime, here are a few true gems spoken at my house this week:
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Ava: I would never sneak out of my room at night to steal this medicine while you are sleeping.
Me: Good to know.
Ava: I promise.
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Ava: I accidentally left my room and went to the fireplace and touched the hot glass in front of the fireplace.
Me: I bet you did.
Ava: It was an accident!
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Ava: I can’t kiss you goodnight because I’ll give you the allergies.
Me: How about a high-five?
Ava: No. Goodnight.
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Charlie: This sink is DDC.
Me: What’s that?
Charlie: Dirty Dish City.
Me: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Me: You guys better go brush your teeth or you’ll be PBC!
Them: What?
Me: Popped Bottoms City! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (threats of physical abuse are a laughing matter in my house. Don’t judge.)
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Will: What’s that smell?
Me: I messed up dinner again.
Will: WHAT IS THAT?
Me: It’s sausage, and pasta and sauce, I just…
Will: WHAT’S ON TOP OF IT?
Me: Uh…the sausage seemed spicy, so I…uhh…there’s soup in the pantry
Will: IS THAT COTTAGE CHEESE?
Me: It was supposed to be like a lasagna! Charlie likes it! LEAVE ME ALONE!
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Here’s a little story I wrote to compensate for my blogging suckiness:
Once upon a time, on Tuesday, the 22 of January, 2008, a family woke up to find ice on the inside of their living room windows. “What the H?” yelled the father, “Our heater’s broke!”
“NO WAY!” whispered the mother with a hushed, solemn voice.
“Blah, blah, blah!” complained the whiny children, who were promptly instructed to put on several layers of clothes, then made to feel guilty for somehow breaking the heater, even though the parents knew it wasn’t their fault.
The temperature outside was sub-zero! What would the family do??? Luckily, there existed in this kingdom people who made their livings off of fixing heating devices. Said noble gentlemen were dispatched to the house and were able to fix the problem by noon. But to this day, the family will never for get the hardship and gut-wrenching adversity faced during those heatless hours.
The end.
Still not happy? How about this interview I just conducted, just now. And let me say that anyone who loves Star Wars should stop reading now. I’m about to destroy your world.
Me: So, I just finished reading Dune. I’m a total geek, I know. Except that I don’t play video games.
George Lucas: I loved that book.
Me: I can tell. So, Dune was published in 1965, right?
George Lucas: Right.
Me: And Star Wars, which was released in 1977, is a blatant rip-off of Dune, right?
George Lucas: Not at all.
Me: Come on, George. We’re both adults here. Everyone knows you based the entire mythology of Star Wars on Dune. Just admit it.
George Lucas: Of course not. I invented Star Wars in my head.
Me: Of course you did, of course you did. Seriously George, the princesses practically have the same name.
George: No, they don’t.
Me: Alia. Leia. Alia. Leia. You’re right. Totally different. It’s a good thing Star Wars didn’t feature an evil empire or mysterious religion or a main character with mysterious parentage or a desert like planet populated by robed natives. That’s great that you didn’t incorporate those elements into your story. Oh, wait…
George Lucas: (blink blink)
Me: So I just wanted to let you know that I’m making a movie, too! It’s called “Florida Smith and the Religious House of Impending Badness.” It’s about a archaeologist who hunts for religious relics. Sounds good, right?
George Lucas: I’m outtie.
I’ve never liked Star Wars. But I’ve always, ALWAYS been impressed with George Lucas’ ability to create an entire mythical world that draws people in. But then I read the most popular science fiction book of all time and realized the whole Star Wars mythology was ripped off from it. So now, in my book, George Lucas stinks. (Except that he made American Graffiti, which is probably one of my favorite movies of all time.)
That is all. I told you it would be random.
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You know you’re going to get hate mail for this, right?
Which is such a shame - because this is probably the best randomness EVER!
No hate mail yet. Perhaps my readers share my superior sensibilities. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so full of myself as to use the phrase ‘my readers.’
I hate the Star Wars movies. I have never seen all of any of them. It fills me with serious glee to think of them being plagarized as well.
Off to find something to plagaraize! I’m gonna be rich!
SWEET. I want in on all your plagiarized glory.
So I take it you won’t be seeing the movie Dune either? Directed by David Lynch, who grew up in Sandpoint, and who probably knows who killed Laura Palmer? Maybe you could incorporate this into your home-schooling! (NOT!)
Ok, I did not know that David Lynch grew up in Sandpoint. And I haven’t seen Dune. You’ve addressed so many issues in one simple comment.
I put a video up for you! If you don’t find this Star Wars humor funny I don’t know what to say…
You just now are getting to Dune? That was one of the first Sci Fi series that I read. The first book is pretty good, but past that it gets pretty incoherent at times. Still a good read though.
Good to know. I actually started with one of the prequels, which I enjoyed more than the actual original. Such is life.
Oh good, you’re back! Just this morning, I was starting to think maybe something terrible happened…but I see it did - your heater broke AND you had to interview George Pucas. My sympathies….
George Pucas!
I think you should write the Florida Jones book. I would probably read it, or at least go see the movie.
I’d totally write it if it didn’t sound like a bad 1987 Saturday Night Live sketch.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!
YOUR HEATER BROKE?! IN IDAHO?! IN JANUARY?! I can’t wrap my head around this. Seriously. Just this morning I was talking to the guy working on my microscope about how I WISH I WISH I WISH it would hurry up and be 95 degrees already. He told me, “It’ll be here soon enough and it’ll stay that way for 10 months.” So I said, “And until it gets here I’m going bitch every day.”
You’re one strong mama to make it through your ordeal. Bless you.
It was actually ok. We have a fireplace that we never use because it jacks up the heat in the rest of the house. So we hung out with blankets until the fireplace was roaring, and by then the guy had figured out what was wrong with the heater. The house never got below 50. We’re survivor warrior types, I know.
LOL You are really funny. I found your blog through the classical homeschoolers webring. I love it.
That webring was one of the first networking attempts I made. I haven’t been there since I signed up. I probably scared away most of the other homeschoolers who’ve showed up on my page.
HAHA! Wow, if my mom was this funny, my life would be so much more exciting.
Can I please come live at your house? I’d eat the cottage cheese and never make a peep.