Here are three quick facts that you didn’t know about me:

1. I was illiterate until about two weeks ago.
2. Around Sandpoint I’m known as ‘Miss Bojangles.’
3. I am a card carrying member of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences.

And as a card carrying member of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, I have to stay on the cutting edge of all the ‘hot’ records and LPs, in order to carry out the Grammy’s ‘phat’ tradition of honoring the ’slamminest’ ‘jams’ of the ‘yearzle.’

So I have a little treat for you, dear reader. Here’s a sneak peek at my Grammy nomination ballot. Keep your fingers crossed for my picks! I’ve got money riding on them!

Record Of The Year
a. Irreplaceable - Beyoncé
b. The Pretender - Foo Fighters
c. Umbrella - Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z
d. What Goes Around…Comes Around - Justin Timberlake
e. Rehab - Amy Winehouse
f. Write in nomination:

The Very Best of Air Supply- Air Supply

Song Of The Year
a. Before He Cheats - Josh Kear & Chris Tompkins, songwriters
b. Hey There Delilah - Tom Higgenson, songwriter
c. Like A Star - Corinne Bailey Rae, songwriter
d. Rehab - Amy Winehouse, songwriter
e. Umbrella - Shawn Carter, Kuk Harrell, Terius “Dream” Nash
f. Write-in nomination:

Anything by Liza Minnelli

Best New Artist
a. Feist
b. Ledisi
c. Paramore
d. Taylor Swift
e. Amy Winehouse
f. Write-in nomination:

Picasso, and maybe Rembrant

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance
a. Candyman - Christina Aguilera
b. 1234 - Feist
c. Big Girls Don’t Cry - Fergie
d. Say It Right - Nelly Furtado
e. Rehab - Amy Winehouse
f. Write-in nomination:

(obscured by Cheeto stain)oh crap I spilled my dr pepper!

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance
a. Everything - Michael Bublé
b. Belief - John Mayer
c. Dance Tonight - Paul McCartney
d. Amazing -Seal
e. What Goes Around…Comes Around - Justin Timberlake
f. Write-in nomination:

???? ok I vote for Johnny Mathis lol

Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals
a. (You Want To) Make A Memory - Bon Jovi
b. Home - Daughtry
c. Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
d. Hey There Delilah -Plain White T’s
e. Window In The Skies -U2
f. Write-in nomination:

THESE SUCK I NOMINATE ‘BUTTS!’

Best Pop Vocal Album
a. Lost Highway - Bon Jovi
b. The Reminder - Feist
c. It Won’t Be Soon Before Long - Maroon 5
d. Memory Almost Full - Paul McCartney
e. Back To Black -Amy Winehouse
f. Write-in nomination:

(obscene picture of someone’s butt)

Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance
a. Timebomb - Beck
b. Only Mama Knows - Paul McCartney
c. Our Country - John Mellencamp
d. Radio Nowhere -Bruce Springsteen
e. Come On - Lucinda Williams
f. Write-in nomination:

there are too many hardcore hard rockers up there to choose from, I guess I’ll go with Rascal Flatts.

Best Hard Rock Performance
a. Sweet Sacrifice - Evanescence
b. The Pretender - Foo Fighters
c. I Don’t Wanna Stop -Ozzy Osbourne
d. Sick, Sick, Sick -Queens Of The Stone Age
e. The Pot -Tool
f. Write-in nomination:

Oh…hard rock. Ok, I nominate the Led Zeppelin one with the song that goes “Hey lady…you got the love I need…” Do you know that song? I guess I could google it but I’m sorta busy right now. If you can’t find that one then I nominate The River Bottom Nightmare Band.

Best Rock Album
a. Daughtry - Daughtry
b. Revival - John Fogerty
c. Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace - Foo Fighters
d. Magic - Bruce Springsteen
e. Sky Blue Sky - Wilco
f. Write-in nomination:

Why does my hair smell like sweat? Seriously, that’s gross. I’m gonna go take a shower. BRB.

Best Alternative Music Album
a. Alright, Still… - Lily Allen
b. Neon Bible - Arcade Fire
c. Volta - Bjork
d. Wincing The Night Away -The Shins
e. Icky Thump - The White Stripes
f. Write-in nomination:

Finally! A category with someone I’ve heard of! You should take me off your mailing list because I haven’t bought music in, like, 6 years or something. I just download it illegally. So…ok, for this category I nominate Air Supply again. Same album as before. It’s really good, y’all.

Best Pop/Contemporary Gospel Album
a. The Altar And The Door - Casting Crowns
b. A Deeper Level - Israel And New Breed
c. True Beauty - Mandisa
d. Stand - Michael W. Smith
e. Portable Sounds - TobyMac
f. Write-in nomination:

Jesus is my Homeboy -
M.C. Godlover and the Pentecostal Epileptics

Best Country Album
a. Long Trip Alone - Dierks Bentley
b. A Woman’s Love - Alan Jackson
c. If You’re Reading This -Tim McGraw
d. Give It Away - George Strait
e. Stupid Boy - Keith Urban
f. Write-in nomination:

COUNTRY SUCKS!!!! But if I have to nominate someone, then I nominate Hee-Haw.

Ok, there’s like 6,000 other categories, including ‘Best Hawaiian Music Collaboration With a Dead Celebrity’ and ‘Best New Age World Song Featuring An Accordion and/or the Harpsichord.’ So I’m just going to bubble those in like this: B,A,D, B, E, D, B, A, D, B, E, D…get it? Bad bed? That’s funny, right? Not as funny as the fact that there is, in all seriousness, a polka music category in the year of our Lord 2008.