Strange days.
Feb 28th, 2008 by Kristi
You know how sometimes you go through periods when things are changing, slowly but surely, and that when the period is over life will never be the same again? I think we’re going through one of those times.
The last time was when we moved to Idaho. It wasn’t slow, it was sudden. But it was a clean break from Texas and our lives were forever altered. I’ve been feeling like changes are afoot lately. Bigger changes. Sad ones, good ones, and everything is uneasy.
To begin with, my mother is ill. Very ill. About a month ago I was told to expect to fly home at any moment. And while she stabilized, she never recovered. And she probably won’t recover. So we’re here and she’s there and I know things are never to be the same again.
My little sister is pregnant. This is a good thing. She’s in love and engaged and is the heart and soul of my Texas family, and while I’m here, she’s there holding everything together. It’s easy to be away. It’s harder, I’m imagining, to be in the middle of everything.
And it seems like things here in Idaho are sped up all of the sudden. This is the first I’ve written of family life for a while because my own family is in a constant state of movement. Juliet is going to be in her first play on Saturday. And going to her first gymnastics meet next Saturday. Charlie, who has never ever experienced anything but shining glory in all his pursuits, experienced his first heartbreak of not being cast in the same play. Piano lessons, tae kwon do, gymnastics, play rehearsals, studying for our first standardized test…I’m wondering how things got to be so crazy. And I’m trying, still trying, to write everyday. So it’s these activities and the pressure to write that has kept my mind from the inevitable heartbreak that’s coming.
I don’t mind the distraction. For now. But there’s a bittersweet, lingering sadness looming. And it’s all very, very strange.
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I am sorry to hear about your mom.
I know what you mean about feeing displaced and strange. We are facing a massively crazy summer in which we move to a totally different part of the country. I am just barely starting to digest what it is going to mean for my family.
Bless you, Awesome Mom, for getting me. It’s weird, these changes. My babies are growing and demanding more, but demanding less of me. It’s all so strange.
I’m very sorry about your mother.
I lost my mom, suddenly, 11 years ago. I will always miss her.
The kids growing up is very odd, almost an elusive feeling. You know something is happening there but you cannot quite pinpoint it. My baby(11th grade) was cut from basbeball team today. Out of the blue. After 2 years of high school ball with same coach and 2 years of junior high ball plus many years of little league and select baseball. We were blown away by the shock. I detest it when I can’t kiss the hurt away………….
I am really sorry to hear about your Mum and that there is distance keeping you apart. I lost my Dad coming up 5 years ago and still rememer the pain and hurt like it was yesterday. I miss him so much.
Congratulations to your sister, and to your little girl
Aw man, I’m sorry to hear about your mom.
The problem with kids is that we want them to grow up, but we don’t ever want them to grow up.
I’m in the middle of reading “The Little Locksmith,” the memoirs of an incredible woman who had some disease as a kid and had to be strapped to a board for 10 years. She never lost her spirit; she learned to love and appreciate the most mundane things. She talks early in the book about “islands” in our lives–those inevitable bumps that we all try to steer around because they appear suddenly in our journey and we don’t want to run into them. But we shouldn’t fear them, nor the transformation that will follow once we allow ourselves to visit.
Just sayin’.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom.
Changes are afoot here too, although at the moment their not so much happening as they are looming, on the horizon, but clearly visible. I know what you mean about how they can put you off-center and how strange it is to feel that soon things will be forever different.
So sorry to hear about your mom. Bad news just plain sucks. Good luck with all the upcoming changes. We can’t grow without it, can we? Hang in there.
Man, I am so sorry to hear your mom is doing so poorly. That has to be really hard for you, especially being far away, and trying to maintain the normal routine with the kids - woof, girl.
I know what you mean about things changing - I was looking at old pictures the other day and marvelling at how my two sweet little toddler guys have disappeared, to be replaced by creepy, toilet-humor loving BOYS. I really miss those sweet little guys, though the creept boys have their moments still, and thankfully, are toilet trained, even if they do obsess on toilet themes now.
Oh, Kristi - I’m so sorry.
Hang in there! It’s now Friday, so take a deep breath and go do something fabulous!
I know exactly the feeling you’re describing. I call it “feeling the gears turning.” Things in your life are always evolving, but sometimes the evolution speeds up or brings you to pivotal moments and it makes you keenly aware of those gears. I wish you joy in the good moments and peace in the difficult ones ahead.
Wow….thanks so much for the love and comments and everything. Seriously. Everything.
Well that sure sucks about your Mom.
Change is afoot at Casa J these days too. We need to move as much as we want to move and deciding where to is an irritating process.
I hope things slow down a bit for you soon…well as much as they can anyway.
I’m so sorry about your mother. I read your post and the first words that came to my mind were, my God, that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. Only replace mother with grandmother. Not the same effect, I realize, but it is the feeling that plagues all of us who move away from our families (assuming we actually love our families and didn’t leave because we hated them). My family is all in Florida and I get the phone calls and I make the visits, but it is a strange feeling to think that “home” is a difficult-to-define place in my life. Good luck with your changes.
I’m so so sorry to hear about your mom. But congratulations to your sister’s pregnancy. I hope things get better soon to at least allow you to take a breather. Sometimes the whole “life roller coaster” makes that sudden unexpected turn that causes you to get sick to your stomach. No worries girl…everything will get back on track soon.
I’m sorry to hear all that, especially about your mother. Your Texas readers (this one anyway) have you in their thoughts and prayers.