me: No. It’s like this, I start a famous song lyric and you finish it with the funniest thing you can think of.
Will: um, ok
me: Ready?
Will: I’m not wayne brady
me: I spend every day of my life wishing you were Wayne Brady.
Will: why, cause he’s BLACK?
me: Yes.
Will: sec, got a song, let me get the lyric
But in this ever changing world in which we live in
me: …LIVE AND LET DIVE!
Will: heh
me: LIVE AND LET DRIVE!
LIVE AND LET SIGH!
Will: live and let neigh

WILL: 1
KRISTI: 0

Will: I am the eggman, they are the eggman, I am…
a delicious strawberry milkshake
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
me: …the large flippered marine mammal, I am the large flippered marine mammal! WOOOOO
Will: WRONG
me: …also the eggman! I am also the eggman! Wooooo!

WILL: 1
KRISTI: 1

me: I’ve got one.
Mama take this badge from me
I can’t use it any more
Its gettin dark too dark to see
Feels like I’m knockin on…
Will: that fat kid over there.

WILL: 2
KRISTI: 1

Will: I’ll do one
aheeeaaaaaa-ah aheeaaaaaa-ah aheeaaaaaaa-ah
that’s the led zeplin intro
me: …I come from the land of the rice and dough where the bakers cook and the kitchens smell really good. Kitchens of the gods.
Will: wow
me: I know, right?

WILL: 2
KRISTI: 2

me: ‘Cuz they say two thousand zero zero party over,
Oops out of time
So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s…
I can’t replace this lyric at all. I keep saying 1999.
Or variations thereof.
Will: I’ve got one
party like I just got out of auschwitz

WILL: 3
KRISTI: 2

Will: This is Ground Control to Major Tom
You’ve really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose … you wear.
Will: chainmail you wear
me: I couldn’t get the tune in my head…I thought you were accusing me of wearing chainmail, which would be a really strange insult.
Will: and a strange way to insult you. Like yoda.
me: …blue-eyed contact you wear.
Will: chainmail you wear
me: Medieval you are.
Crusade we go on.
Holy relic of Christ we find.

WILL: 4
KRISTI: 2

me: He’s a real Nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his Nowhere plans for…
…Puff the Magic Dragon, who lived by the sea.
…Somewhere man.
Will: no, that’s not it. It’s jihad
nowhere plans for jihad
me: Brilliant.
…making all his nowhere plans for Odin, lord of Valhalla.
…making all his nowhere plans for his invisible nowhere house.
me: Doesn’t have a point of view,
Knows not where he’s going to,
Isn’t he a bit like you and…
me: …Hillary Clinton.
I JUST GOT POLITICALS UP IN HERE.
Will: bit like you and that dirty hippy boyfriend of yours.
me: …bit like you and my pimp.

WILL: 4
KRISTI: 3

Will: You know it’s hard out here for a pimp (you ain’t knowin)
me: Is this a lyric or an observation?
Will: both, actually
me: You know it’s hard out here for a pimp (you ain’t knowin)
When he tryin to get this money for the _ (you ain’t knowin)
…blimp. (you ain’t knowin)
Will: oh, you mean …
me: …shrimp (you ain’t knowin”
…temp (she be typin)
Will: rhymes with pimp
me: chimp (he so needy)
u can’t touch this
you ain’t knowin
Will: ahhahaha, you mean helper monkey?
hahahahahahah
touche

WILL: 4
KRISTI: 4

me: I see a red door and I want it painted…
mauve.
…wiggety whack.
Will: with the blood of my enemies

WILL: 5
KRISTI: 4

Will: ok.
I got my mind on my … and my … on my mind
me: bunny and my bunny on my mind.
Will: got my mind on my pudding and my pudding on my mind.
me: got my mind on my bigotry and my bigotry on my mind.
Will: that’s terrible
me: You’re terrible.
got my mind on my terrible husband and my terrible husband on my mind
Will: I got my mind on my country’s oppressive foreign policy and my country’s oppressive foreign policy on my mind

WILL: 6
KRISTI: 4

me: New lyric:
Start spreading the news, I’m leaving today
I want to be a part of it…
new spork, new spork.
me: Anarcho-capitalist society, anarcho-capitalist society.
Will: that new nudist colony down in Boise.
me: …Nude York, Nude York

WILL: 6
KRISTI: 5

Will: Because maybe
You’re gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You’re my
me: …paramedic.
Will: Jesus

WILL: 7
KRISTI: 5

me: My turn. just a minute.
I’ll stop the world and melt with…
…Jew.
Will: I’m still laughing over that one
those nazis that tried to steal the ark

WILL: 7
KRISTI: 6

Will: Hey! Mr. … Man, play a song for me,
me: …Naked Homeless Man
…Black Minstrel…
Will: Hey mr. autoharp man, play a song for me
me: …Hey Mr. No-Armed Guitarless man, play a song for me…
I hate you that much. That I would demand the impossible of you.

WILL: 7
KRISTI: 7

me: Here’s one:
I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back and…
Will: I’ve got to run. I’ve got to iron my husband’s shirt.
me: pretend to be smart! Because I’m woman!
Will: know too much to go back to whoring
hooker with a heart of gold
me: know to much to go back to trying to add double digit numbers.
bad with numbers lol
me: know too much to go back in time with my time machine that runs on burned bras.
Will: go back and waste my time with these feminist nuts. I’m going back to college. I’ll pay for it with webcam whoring
me: …go back to masquerading as a man.