A conversation with myself. The mean parts of myself.
Apr 29th, 2008 by Kristi
My friend asked if we’re still on the vegetable thing. In a word, yes. Which is why my husband has lost over twenty pounds in the past month.
And how much have I lost? Don’t ask. Ok, I’ll tell you: NONE. Which is why I’ve had the following conversation with my own body:
Me: You suck. I’ve been eating vegetables!
My butt: So?
Me: And I’ve been walking!
My belly: Yeah, your 70 year old granny walks, too. And she’s still skinnier than you.
Me: But I’m trying! Have you seen my refrigerator? There’s brussell sprouts in there!
My upper arms: What do you want, a sticker?
Me: Some cooperation! What’s the point of eating healthy if you guys are still so fat?
My chin: Hey. Here’s an idea, how about you lay off the Dr. Peppers if you’re so health conscious?
Me: Shut up.
My butt again: Seriously. You think we don’t notice?
Me: I’ve got a real addiction. It’s a disease.
Back to my belly: Boo hoo. Poor probecita. You want us to make a tv movie about your trials and tribulations? We can check if Becca from Life Goes On is available?
Me: You guys suck. I hate you.
Upper arms: Or Tracy Gold? Oh wait…
Me: Don’t go there…
My bastard belly: …no, she wouldn’t fit the part, would she?
Me: Fine.
Body parts in fat unison: Fine, what?
Me: Fine, I’ll try harder.
Butt: Try harder to not buy Dr. Peppers?
Me: Yes?
Belly: We’ll believe it when we see it, porkchop.
Me: Now that was uncalled for.
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My bastard butt talks to me, too. Only it likes cookie dough and screams at me to eat more. I think it hates me.
This was hilarious. I enjoyed it immensely. More, please.
wow, that was uncalled for. your fat is tons meaner than my silent, sulky fat.
I’ve had my fat talk to me, too. Lucky for me, it speaks some language I can’t quite understand. Phew! Good thing!
Okay, THAT was hilarious! I look forward to more conversations in the future. I back fat has been talking to me a lot every since i started looking for a dress for my SIL’s wedding. My butt thinks the wedding should be canceled.
I gotta lay of the Dr. Peppers too. It is a disease, a horrible, tasty, refreshing disease. Thanks for letting me laugh!
It istotally an addiction as evidenced by my serious face. Really, if you saw me, you would know. I can tell you all about the release of endorphins and stuff when your body is anticipating that cold frosty drink thereby reinforcing itself courtesy of the pleasure principle in the primitive part of your lower brain. I face the same problem with bud light lol. I should probably shut up now before I bore your readers…ok…shutting.up.now.
If you’re serious, you have to listen to what the body parts are saying. I know another lady who’s hooked on Dr Pepper, but she uses diet and limits herself to one a day. Result: Mucho weight loss.
[...] think I write too much about trying to lose weight. I wrote about it here, and here and oh, yeah, also here. Some of you with your “healthy self images” and [...]