Posted in Conversations in my Head on Jun 17th, 2008 8 Comments »
Ben Affleck: Let me just stick…my head…here we go…say cheese!
Scared African child: I’m going to lean back just a little…can someone grab on to my chest and pull me away from this big-headed balloon man?
Happy African child: Shut up and smile. This disembodied floating white head is giving us money.
Unimpressed African [...]
Posted in Conversations in my Head, Dear Diary on Jun 14th, 2008 2 Comments »
Dear diary,
1st off, I just wanna thank my precious Lord and Savior for getting me my child porn acquittal. Big ups, Jesus! You my n-word!
2nd of all, I’m gonna just take this opportunity to record my thoughts and feelings after this traumatic time. I never thought all of this could happen to [...]
Posted in Conversations in my Head on Apr 29th, 2008 7 Comments »
My friend asked if we’re still on the vegetable thing. In a word, yes. Which is why my husband has lost over twenty pounds in the past month.
And how much have I lost? Don’t ask. Ok, I’ll tell you: NONE. Which is why I’ve had the following conversation with my [...]
Posted in Conversations in my Head, Look at me...I'm so great. on Apr 12th, 2008 9 Comments »
People ask me all the time:
MC Khrysttsee, how did you become North Idaho’s indisputable dominant freestyle rapper?
I always tell them the truth, I was born to rock the mic with my ill rhymes. But becoming North Idaho’s sickest freestyle rapper wasn’t an ez task, yo. It took me years [...]
Posted in Conversations in my Head, In which I make enemies, Think McFly Think on Apr 9th, 2008 7 Comments »
Here’s what I think about Dancing With the Stars, a show that I’ve never watched but thoroughly judge with harsh and hateful eyes.
Dancing With the Stars, heretoforewith known as Solid Gold With Formerly Famous People (SGWFFP) is kinda crap. And you know it. Yes, even you, the ones who cry over uplifting dances [...]
Posted in Conversations in my Head, Think McFly Think on Feb 2nd, 2008 17 Comments »
HELP MAI ELBOS ARE ESSPLODED
OH NOS MAI WIG IZ ASKEWE
I ARE OVERACKSESSORIZED
IM PROWD OF MY SNOEFLAKES. DONT MAKE FUNS.
I CAN HAS VACANTE STEAR?
BIG EYED MODDEL SEEZ INVIZIBLE MONSTERR. BIG EYED MODDEL KEEPES HER KOOL.
I ARE SERIOUS MODDEL. DONT MAKE ME SLAP YOUS WITHE MAI COLLER.
SKUZE ME CAN U HELP MEE WIT MAI SWETER? [...]
Posted in Choose your own adventure, Conversations in my Head, I'm a mama y'all. on Jan 25th, 2008 19 Comments »
…hastily thrown together in the sudden realization that I haven’t written a post all week. Me = Lazy blogger. I suck. Feel free to boycott my blog with righteous indignation. In the meantime, here are a few true gems spoken at my house this week:
****
Ava: I would never sneak out [...]
Posted in Conversations in my Head, Look at me...I'm so great. on Jan 15th, 2008 26 Comments »
More things I want to do in aught-eight:
kick a midget in order to feel better about my own shortness
hold my breath for six hours
trick Will into thinking I’m pregnant, then get fat, then act like I was never pregnant and he made the whole thing up and he should go to the crazy doctor for [...]
Posted in Conversations in my Head, How may I offend you today?, Think McFly Think on Nov 30th, 2007 16 Comments »
Hole. Eeee. Crap. Have you seen this? This British teacher was working in the Sudan, she allowed her second grade students to vote on a name for their class teddy bear, they elected Muhammed, and the woman is imprisoned and facing deportation. This is after the Sudanese graciously waived her [...]
Posted in Conversations in my Head on Nov 14th, 2007 13 Comments »
Nanowrimo, I LoveHate Thee
50,000 words: the impossible dream
finishing a novel is harder than it seem
only 12,777 words written so far
and i swear by all that is holy i’m going to finish this thing or i will personally go bomb nanowrimo’s secret headquarters which are undoubtedly in an underground tunnel in south america.
Ode to Laundry
you are [...]
